BREAKING NEWS: GUINNESS TO LOWER LOGO ON THE GLASS DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND!

In an unprecedented move, Guinness has announced that they will be shifting their iconic harp logo and brand name further down the glass, by the end of 2024. Yes, you read that correctly. After centuries of maintaining their traditional design, the UK’s most popular pint has finally succumbed to popular demand: “We’re lowering the G.”

The decision comes after overwhelming feedback from die-hard Guinness enthusiasts who insist that the beloved ritual of “splitting the G” – the art of taking a few perfectly timed sips where the Guinness left in the glass hits directly across the “G” in Guinness, needs to be longer. 

In response to this outcry, Guinness has agreed to lower their logo to the bottom of the glass. The aim? To allow Guinness lovers to indulge in their favourite pastime and finish their pint in one bold, beautiful go.

Pint drinkers have already started celebrating this groundbreaking change. “This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for” said Mark, an avid Guinness drinker. Others have hinted that the move is not only about aesthetics but about efficiency. “Why take multiple sips when you can just drink the whole pint in one go?” added another enthusiast. “Now, I can enjoy a Guinness the way nature intended—quickly and with purpose.”

Not everyone is on board with this new development however. Some traditionalists argue that lowering the logo breaks the sanctity of the pint, calling it “sacrilege.” One longtime fan lamented, “I’ve been drinking Guinness for 40 years. Splitting the G early on is practically a rite of passage. This is just pandering to the impatient youth.”

Regardless of the mixed reception, Guinness has confirmed that they are standing firm with their decision. A spokesperson had this to say: “To all the Guinness fans who love the brand – we hear you. Lift your glass, with its newly lowered logo, and prepare to split the G like never before.”

Disclaimer: This is satire. Guinness has not, and probably will never, lower their logo on their glasses. Enjoy your pint responsibly and split the G at your own pace!